This Doesn't Mean I've Stopped Loving You
by ajenaet
Summary: Quinn's always loved Rachel but when she breaks her heart the consequences are unbearable.
1. I Love You

**This is the first fic I've felt confident enough to upload. I would really appreciate reviews! XX**

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><p>Finn walked down the hallway quickly, the bouquet of roses held tightly in his hands. He had messed with Rachel again but he was determined to fix it. Instinctively he walked toward the choir room. As he opened the door a few inches voices wafted out of the room. It wasn't the usual sound of Rachel's haunting voice, however. This was broken, more urgent.<p>

"Please..." It was barely audible. Rachel's voice cracked on that one syllable. "Please" She said again even quieter this time. The desperation made Finn's stomach lurch.

"You were a mistake." Quinn's voice followed. There were short gasps in between her words. It was obvious she didn't believe what she was saying. Apparently Rachel heard it to.  
>"You don't believe that..." She trailed off. The sound of CD's crashing to the linoleum echoed into the hallway and Rachel followed. There were tears streaming from her eyes. Although she looked at him, she didn't seem to register Finn' presence. He had never seen her so desperate. He thought about what to say to her after witnessing this moment between her and Quinn but when he turned to face her she had already disappeared. There came a choked sob through the doorway.<br>"I love you." Quinn ran out of the room and crashed straight into Finn. He grabbed her shoulders to steady her and held her at an arms length away as he surveyed her. Her face was contorted and her sobs were being chocked out violently.

"I shouldn't have said that." She said as she tried to control her breathing. Finn considered playing dumb. He thought about pretending he hadn't heard the conversation between them. Everything seemed to vulnerable now, like Quinn would fall ot pieces in his own hands if he said the wrong thing. Before he could consider what to say she was talking again.  
>"I was the one person she trusted not to break her. I was so scared." In the next moment she had slipped out of Finn's grasp and was already running down the hall in the same direction Rachel had gone. School had ended almost an hour earlier so Quinn's high heels echoed loudly through the hallow passageways alerting Mrs. Pillsbury. She looked through her covered window watching the silhouette of Quinn round a corner with Finn quickly behind her. She got up from her desk and followed, something didn't seem right. She joined them as as they stared into Rachel's locker, only, she didn't know what they were looking for. Quinn's face paled and her hands dropped.<p>

"Shit." It was a whisper but it scared Finn to death. Another chocking sob rang out of Quinn as her hands threw open Rachel's bag. The noise of school books and pens parading to the floor was unbearably loud when Quinn dropped her bag. Finn and Emma hadn't begun to understand but Quinn was already screaming. She ducked around a corner and then she was gone.

It took Finn and Emma almost a full minute before they registered where she had gone. Emma's wide eyes were wider yet as she looked to Finn for some sort of explanation. She knew something bad was happening, she just couldn't figure out exactly what. Finn wished he had some sort of explanation to offer her but instead he furrowed his eyebrows and walked heavily into the girls bathroom. He was expecting drama, it was Rachel after all, but he wasn't prepared for this.

Blood pounded through his head. He was vaguely aware of someone screaming but whether that was Quinn or the red head next to him he couldn't be sure. Emma's hands grabbed Finn's arm desperately as she clung to anything to make the room stop spinning. Quinn was sitting on the floor with her back leaning against the wall half hidden under the cold sinks. Rachel was placed awkwardly in her lap. Her sobs had stopped as she ran her fingers through the brunette hair splayed out in front of her. Quinn's face was emotionless. She was calm. She was no longer crying or trembling. She sat still, finger entangled in Rachel's hair and she looked as she had looked as she looked any other day. Nothing had changed. Until Emma caught a glimpse of Quinn's eyes, that is. Everything Quinn felt was there. Broken, scared, and pleading for help. She had the eyes of a terrified child. Emptiness followed.

"It doesn't have to hurt anymore," Came a small voice from Quinn's lap, "loving you, I mean."

"Of course." Quinn said gently "for you." It was a line they had said since as long as she could remember.


	2. Of Course, For You

**Thanks so much for reading guys. I tried to make this as least confusing as possible!**

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><p>On the first day of kindergarten Quinn was desperate to get to the slide before Santana could. She tapped Rachel on the shoulder as she was making her way up the ladder. "<p>

"Can I cut you?" She asked knowing that cutting someone in like for the slide was an impossible task. Rachel climbed back down.  
>"Of course, for you." She offered.<p>

Back in middle school, when Rachel had never been invited to a birthday party, and it was the one thing she wanted most she carefully approached Quinn in the hall and asked if maybe she could go swimming too.  
>"Of course, for you." Quinn said. Rachel waited. For three days, she waited. Her invitation never came.<p>

8th grade year, her dads wanted her to have a sleepover. She invited Quinn, Santana, and Brittany no having anyone else to invite.

"Sure!" Brittany chirped. Santana snickered.

"Of course, for you." Quinn's voice was dripping with sarcasm. She was mocking Rachel. Her dads had bought her everything a 13 year old could want at a sleepover and Rachel almost burst into tears when she thought about how hurt they would be when nobody showed up. At 6:53, seven minutes early, Judy Fabray pulled into Rachel's driveway hurriedly dropping off her daughter. Brittany was there shortly after. That night in the tent after Brittany had fallen asleep, Quinn rolled over and her lips pressed onto Rachel's. They lingered for a moment before pulling away, but Rachel reminded herself this was because Quinn was still groggy with sleep. Her eyelids fluttered open and a smile tugged dangerously at the corners of her mouth. Her eyelids dropped closed again.  
>"You can kiss me again if you want..." She whispered it as quietly as possible and was shocked when she realized Quinn had heard her.<p>

"Of course, for you."


	3. This Doesnt Mean I've Stopped Loving You

**Now we're back to the present. Once again I apologize if it was confusing. Also, sorry this chapter is so short. It seemed like the best break. I'm considering combining the first three into one chapter but I feel like it might make it more confusing. Anyway, I would love to hear what you guys think and, again, thank you so much for reading. XX**

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><p>Puck walked back into school and opened his locker. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Finn standing in the doorway.<p>

"Hudson," He said waiting to crack a joke about him being is the girl's bathroom. Finn turned around making eye contact with him. His eye's were terrified. More terrified than Puck had seen anyone before. His phone crashed to the floor of the bathroom but Finn didn't seem to notice. He turned back around reaching out to some one on his right that Puck couldn't see. The screen on the phone was still illuminated and bold black numbers flashed at Puck. 9-1-1.

He walked fast into the bathroom and stood on the other side of Finn. Confusion struck him as he scanned the bathroom over at eye level before he saw movement near the floor. Puck dropped to his knees on the opposite side of the bathroom as the two girls.

"Somebody help!" He yelled. His voice broke. "Somebody!" Pills were scattered on the floor and the bottle was still in Rachel's hand. Quinn pulled her farther onto her lap and pressed her lip's to Rachel's rappidly cooling ones. Finn and Emma's confusion was apparent but Puck knew. He saw the way they looked at eachother.

"This doesn't mean I've stopped loving you, Rachel." She laced her fingers in between the brunettes and Emma turned away squeezing her eyes shut tightly trying to block out the fear that was flooding her.


	4. You'll Make It Through

**Remember when I said the next chapter would be normal length? Sorry about that. I do expect them to start getting longer now, so bare with me. Thanks for sticking around. You guys are amazing.**

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><p>The next day Rachel's family, friends, and the entire student body of Mckinley were packed into a small church. Rachel's dads and the Glee club sat quietly in the front row. Kurt had tears streaming down his face, Blaine's hand resting supportively on his shoulder from behind. Mercedes grabbed his hand and hid her eyes in his jacket. Next to them Santana, Brittany, Tina, Lauren, and Mike sat staring dully at anything. Puck and Finn sat next to them, Finn staring straight ahead with a dumb look. Puck was looking down trying to focus on anything but where he was. Tears fell quietly unnoticed onto his lap. Will was next, staring into nothing, still not believing the situation before him. Then it was Quinn. She sat at the end of the row. While most of the glee club sat unnaturally straight in their chairs, Quinn sat slumped folded in on herself. Her eyes were foggy and she seemed distant.<br>"I know you're not ok now," Will said "and it's going to be hard but you'll make it through." She didn't flinch, she didn't blink. Will was ninety percent sure she didn't even register she was being spoken to.

Kurt got up suddenly and walked to the back of the small church where the rest of Mckinley sat. Most of these people didn't even know Rachel. Some of these people were probably part of the reason Rachel wasn't here. You can't get a slushie facial once a week and not expect that to take some sort of toll on them.  
>"Leave" Kurt said. He didn't look up from his feet and his voice was soft. They shifted their gaze toward him awkwardly.<br>"Leave!" He yelled. None of these people were Rachel's friends. He didn't want them here. One by one they shuffled out uncomfortably. Kurt blindly walked to his seat, tears clouding his eyes again. One of Rachel's fathers, Hiram, gave a weak smile and nodded a thanks in his direction. Now everyone in the church were those closest to Rachel and everyone knew that's what she would have wanted. The pastor spoke in a big booming voice that filled the chapel, but nobody really heard him. That is, until he introduced glee club.  
>"And now some friends of Rachel's will sing a song in her honor." They knew it was coming but nobody moved. It was unspoken, but they all new the only one worthy of this was Rachel herself. Mercedes walked to the front and pressed play on a stereo in the corner. Rachel's voice filled the space. It was haunting, eerie even. Santana reached for Brittany's hand as they began to cry.<br>Puck stood up and carefully placed himself on the end of the pew next to Quinn. Immediately she fell into his arms and sobbed loudly to his chest. She mumbled something he couldn't make out, so he just stroked her hair softly knowing there was nothing he could do to really comfort her.


	5. We Would Have Lost You Too

After the service people shuffled out silently. One by one they got into their cars to go back to their own busy lives. Everybody except Puck, Finn, Quinn, Kurt, Mercedes, Lauren, Tina, Brittany, Santana, and Mike. They sat down, one by one, on the concrete stairs of them chapel. They clasped eachothers hands in a silent attempt at comfort. Some attempting to comfort eachother, some attempting to comfort themselves. Soon apart from the cars of New Directions, the parking lot was empty. It had taken two hours for the throng of people to eventually fade and then dissapear all together and it was beginning toget dark. Lauren was the first to leave followed byu Mike, FGinn, and Tina. Half an hour later, Santana left. Then mercedes. Puck, Quinn, Kurt and Brittany sat on the staits. Four hours now since Rachels service had ended. There hands were still clasped tightly together and tears stained their cheeks. It was well into he night when Brittany left shaking and still crying. Puck got into his car after and drove off. Quinn sat unmoving on the steps in a tight, short sleeve, black dress. Judging from how bad Brittany had been shaking when she left, he know Wuinn had to be freezing. Kurt got to his feet.  
>"You must be cold." He opened her sad eyes.<br>"If I am, I don't feel it.: She said. Kurt grabbed her around the shoulders and helped her stumbling form to the parking lot. There was one car left, and that was his.  
>"Where's your car Quinn?"<br>"My mom dropped me off. I couldn't drive"  
>"And she never came to pick you up?"<br>"I told her I was sleeping at San's." She choked out. Kurt sat her in the passengerseat of his car and turned on the heat before getting into the drivers side.  
>"Where were you planning to go tonight?" he asked. The clock on hisdash flashed 1:18 . Quinn turned her face away as tears once again began rolling down her cheeks.<br>"Where were you going?" he asked agian.  
>"Down to the river." She whispered.<br>"Quinn," He reached out and grabbed her hand. She was still ice cold.  
>"I was going to meet her there." It still came out as a whisper.<br>"Quinn, no."  
>"I did this to her."<br>"Stop."  
>"I broke her."<br>"No, Quinn, this isn't anybodies fault." After hearing this, Quinn fake laughed.  
>"Right. It wasn;t my fault I kissed her in eigth grade. It wasn't my fault we slept together sophmore year. It wasn;'t my fault she fell for in love with me. It isn't my fault she's -"<br>"Stop." Kurt almost yelled. He took off his jacket and threw it over Quinn's now shivering body.  
>"I know you loved her, bit it's hurting the rest of us too. You're forgetting that. He said. "If I left after Puck had, we would have lost not only Rachel, but you too. You would have gone to the river and followed through with- God what were you thinking." He started the car and backed out of the parking lot. Quinn didn't say anything in response. When Kurt pulled into his driveway she still remained silent.<p> 


End file.
